Struggling

It’s time to admit that I’m struggling.

I’m overwhelmed by my life.  I’ve previously admitted to Must Sickness (must do this, must do that), but beyond my own self-imposed musts, there is a lot of real musts on my plate. Musts that seriously affect me & Frank personally/financially, and musts that I volunteered for, but are real commitments and can’t be blown off.

Added on top of this is my hip.  My right hip is in rough shape, and I’m so angry about it that I wanted to say it’s being a bitch, but that’s not fair.  It’s my own fault… it’s a result of pushing myself too hard and not listening to my body’s signals.  But here I am, with my right hip so buggered that I am practically never comfortable unless I’m flat on my back, bending/squatting, standing/walking for longer than 15 minutes is painful, and I can’t easily reach either of my feet (which is hugely frustrating in the summer when my feet are constantly grubby).

Yes, I have fabulous bodyworkers who are helping me get back to normal, and I’m doing all my stretches, but it’s expensive and is taking longer than I have patience for.  This constant low-grade discomfort, peppered with pain and impediment is driving me crazy.

These two things – the overwhelm and the hip – makes perfect conditions for anxiety and depression.

I haven’t been able to do any activity that would take me closer to my Get Ripped mountain.  No running, walking, or dancing on a buggered hip, and the negative impact of overwhelm on my time and my emotional state makes it very friggen difficult to make good food choices.  Not that it’s an excuse, but when standing at the counter to chop vegetables is painful, I find myself reaching instead for the pre-made, the easy, and the fast.

So, I’m struggling all over.

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